A psychologist us urging women to stop ‘carrying awkwardness’ and smoothing over cringeworthy moments in social situations.
Mindset coach and clinical psychologist Rebecca Anderson said women, especially people pleasers, will let people get away with far too much in conversation.
And while it appears to ‘maintain the peace’ it’s one of the worst things to do in a social situation.
‘As women we are taught in social situations that if someone makes an off comment or does something really off we are the ones who hold the awkwardness or smooth it over,’ she explained on TikTok.
A psychologist us urging women to stop ‘carrying awkwardness’ and smoothing over cringeworthy moments in social situations
She said this could look like making jokes, deflecting from the off comments or explaining them away.
She used another content creator’s example where she was offered a tip from a customer who then pulled the money away.
‘It creates an awkward dynamic – she used to smooth it over like no worries darling don’t worry about that,’ she said.
Now she doesn’t.
‘When they reach out with money and pull back she just reaches out her hand, smiles with a big smile, and kinda says “is that money for me?”,’ she said.
This means the person who created the awkward situation isn’t able to pass that awkwardness on and has to hold it themselves.
‘If you are a people pleaser you don’t have to smooth things over. You can feel comfortable in that situation and leave the awkwardness to them.’
The video ‘hit the spot’ for thousands of women who confessed they didn’t realise the connection between people pleasing and holding awkwardness.
Others thanked the psychologist for the video and asked for more examples so they could continue to improve on the social mistake.
And people were happy to contribute their own.
‘I have heard people ask ‘did you mean to say that out loud’,’ one woman said.
While another is happy to question how someone can be comfortable making bold statements.
Some women said they find silence the best way to keep from holding onto other people’s awkward situations.
‘Even on a date if they aren’t talking, helping the conversation, I just stop talking I won’t carry it for them,’ one woman said.
Another added that if people make things awkward by answering questions with single words she doesn’t follow up.
‘I like leaving them with their awkwardness and seeing how long it takes for them to correct it – or if they even do.’
This goes for ‘going along with the joke’ even when it isn’t funny.
‘I’ve stopped laughing if I think something is inappropriate, I’m not okay with helping make it okay anymore,’ one woman said.
While another confessed she finds it difficult but then ‘hates herself later’.
Some women emphasis on letting the person who made the situation awkward feel that awkwardness.
‘I have a new philosophy which is: I don’t say ANYTHING if I’m unsure of what to say. I let them feel weird,’ one woman agreed.