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Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: The Dingles dish the dirt!


Emmerdale

When soapland wants an attention-seeking storyline, throw a huge family drama into the mix. In Emmerdale it’s always the Dingles, who make rabbits look like slow starters when it comes to procreating the human race.

This week they take centre stage at a lock-in in the Woolpack, as Lydia tries to discover who killed Craig. In a series of flashbacks, we see how convincing (or not) their alibis are, as betrayals and secrets come to the fore. 

It’s another of those rather silly Dingle courts that are always more childish than convincing, so let’s hope this offers something different.

It all begins on Monday with Billy staring at Craig’s lifeless body in the fields of Home Farm, the Death Row of the Dales. What happened at the barn, where Sam and Cain held Craig bound and gagged? 

What really happened before Tom’s romantic proposal to Belle, as it’s clear she’s hiding something? Aaron, Charity, Nate – and Caleb. What’s he hiding? 

It all begins on Monday with Billy staring at Craig's lifeless body in the fields of Home Farm, the Death Row of the Dales. What happened at the barn, where Sam and Cain held Craig bound and gagged? What really happened before Tom's romantic proposal to Belle (pictured left), as it's clear she's hiding something?

It all begins on Monday with Billy staring at Craig’s lifeless body in the fields of Home Farm, the Death Row of the Dales. What happened at the barn, where Sam and Cain held Craig bound and gagged? What really happened before Tom’s romantic proposal to Belle (pictured left), as it’s clear she’s hiding something? 

A lot, would be my guess. He all but has ‘It was me wot dunnit, arrest me’ tattooed on his forehead.

Fatal attraction? 

Despite being a fairly new item, Emmerdale’s Jacob and Victoria are together. 

‘The force is so strong, it’s hard to keep them apart,’ says Joe Warren Plant (Jacob). 

Be careful, mate. She has form. 

What’s the secret Mandy’s hiding from the family? Although with her gob, it’s hard to believe anything would stay under wraps even if it were a corpse six feet under.

Despite the alibis seemingly being established, Lydia has a nagging doubt that someone is being deceitful. Yer don’t say! 

This is the Dingle clan. They make Watergate look like little more than water under the bridge.

Disturbed by Lydia’s anxiety, a guilt-ridden Sam reveals that there is more to his version of events, and we finally discover what really happened to Craig. 

My guess is that he broke into the incredibly well-stocked Home Farm cellar, helped himself to vintage wines and tried to stumble home before falling unconscious – although on second thoughts, at the rate Kim drinks, there’s probably nothing left in the cellar by now. 

With all the Dingles gathered in the pub at one time, expect the place to run dry.

Eastenders

What is it with baseball bats and the EastEnders? Phil has been practically married to his for three decades – and it’s certainly one of the more successful relationships he’s held down. 

Now Sharon’s at it, but with an altogether more glamorous-looking weapon that looks as if it’s had a run-in with her make-up bag. She’ll need it after refusing to pay Dorian the finder’s fee for the Pub, Pint and Fight event, although she might need to resort to dumbbells when Dorian returns to the gym with some heavies. 

She might also want to use it when she discovers Keanu said he was taking Albie to a birthday party but went elsewhere.

Now Sharon's at it with a baseball bat, but with an altogether more glamorous-looking weapon that looks as if it's had a run-in with her make-up bag

Now Sharon’s at it with a baseball bat, but with an altogether more glamorous-looking weapon that looks as if it’s had a run-in with her make-up bag

You have to work really hard to get into debt in Walford because apart from the bookie’s, there’s little to spend your money on. Everyone in Peggy’s witters on about their problems so much, they barely get more than two drinks anywhere near their mouths, and few manage to buy a meal at the café because they’re always storming out. 

So, we know Rocky has been hard at it to find himself in such a financial mess. Talk about being caught between a rock and an even rockier place.

Rocky’s on rocky ground with Nish  

What could possibly go wrong with EastEnders’ Rocky (Brian Conley) and his loan agreement with Nish? ‘He sees it as a way out and a short-term fix,’ says Conley. 

‘He also thinks that Nish might be reasonable because it’s Christmas soon and he might be lenient.’ Good luck. 

The only thing that might link Nish to the spirit of Santa is a sack in which to place a dead body. Well, that and a reindeer antler to do the murder. 

Coronation Street

Ryan and Daisy enter the Chariot of fire when she tells Daniel she's going to her mum's – but she's really spending the night with Ryan

Ryan and Daisy enter the Chariot of fire when she tells Daniel she’s going to her mum’s – but she’s really spending the night with Ryan

The Chariot Square Hotel has certainly seen some action over the years, although given no one ever takes payment at reception, it’s a wonder it hasn’t gone bankrupt. And why are there never any chambermaids clearing up when the guests depart? 

Surely with the amount of alcohol they consume in the rooms, staff would need a bottle bank for the waste.

Ryan and Daisy enter the Chariot of fire when she tells Daniel she’s going to her mum’s – but she’s really spending the night with Ryan. Little do the lovers know that Daniel’s suspicions are aroused following a phone call with Daisy’s mum. 

When Daisy tells Ryan it’s Daniel she really loves, has she left it too late? I wish she’d make up her mind; she’s hogging the limelight in the kissing department – with hoglike passion, too.

Love’s growing complicated for Aadi, but he’s excited when he’s offered a job shelf stacking at Freshco. It’ll take a lot more than that to bring in enough money to keep Courtney happy. 

And try to contain your excitement on the job front when Dylan gets a paper round.



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